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Hello everybody! I know it's been a little while but, I'M BACK!

I have some tips and recipes stored up that I'd like to share but I'll start on that tomorrow.
Today, I need to get something off my chest and I hope you don't mind that I share it with you.

As you know, I've recently started running with the intention of doing a half marathon next year. Up till now I haven't been completely honest with everyone concerning the REAL reason I am so determined to get this done.
It has been 12 years since my mother died of a massive heart attack at the age of 52. I never had a chance to really grieve in the way I should have. That's not true, I had the chance, but I never let myself. I was 17. I chose to deal with her death by drinking myself into numbness and partying until I couldn't remember what I was so sad about. When that stage ended, (thank God) I made myself BUSY. I got married, had 2 kids back to back and was working full time. Then after that, it was the accident with the concrete truck and the lawsuit and therapy that ensued that took over my mind. AFTER THAT, it was the move to Florida and a new baby.
 It seemed that I always had something that I could channel my energy into that allowed me to not deal with that locked door that held all the feelings of my mother's passing inside.
In the past 6 months I haven't been able to keep that door as closed as I once did. It started with thinking of her more, then the fact that she never saw my kids, and eventually to drawing parallels in our lives. I was overweight and unhappy about it, and starting to get panicky about leaving my kids the way she left us. Yet, I did nothing about it. Yes, I eat pretty healthy, especially in comparison to the way my family ate back in the days, but I was NOT HEALTHY.
On January 28th of this year, I posted a picture of my mom and I in 1989  on my facebook page. In this picture, I was the same age my oldest daughter is now; 6, and it gnawed at me. It really and truly bothered me. I became irate at the fact that she was gone, I was mad that she didn't do anything to avoid it, and then I took a long look in the mirror and broke down. I was doing the very same thing she was.... nothing. I didn't know what I was going to do about it yet, but God has a way of sending messages loud and clear.
Just 2 little days later, my friend Brandy (out of the blue) asked me if I would consider training for a half marathon with some of our friends next year. There it was, my message. At first I really didn't want to hear it because the first thing that came to mind was how hard it would be for ME to do something like that. I was so terrified. I literally was physically shaking for 2 days after I agreed to do it. I know I said I was scared before, but nobody knew the real reason I was THAT scared. This was what I was supposed to do. I have been told what to do, and it was my decision to go down that path or stay where I was.
I know some people don't believe in "fate" and "messages" and that's fine; but for me it felt real as anything ever has.
This is finally my time of grieving. 12 years late, but it's here. I will shed tears and sweat while I run my grief down. I am no longer locking it up or hiding it away. I am going to cross that finish line so I can do everything in my power to be here when my kids need me the most, I will not abandon them because I refused to try hard enough.
I have started things before, but I always found a reason.. no, an EXCUSE to quit or take it easy. Facing my grief means facing my fears, facing my fears means facing myself. I am the only thing in my way and it's time for me to move.
-Sonya

Griselle Morales-Rivera