The good the bad and the ugly truth

Today, I need to take a step back and just reflect. (I too have my moments)
When I started this blog I had no idea how beneficial it would be to write the things that were on my mind. I really don't have the time to do it, and I hammer it out during my son's one and only 30 minute nap. It has also become painfully obvious that I REALLY need to proofread these suckers for spelling and grammatical errors. (I read them for the first time yesterday. YIKES!) But you know what? I really don't care; it's not the point.
The real point is that even though I have no idea who (if any) really reads this stuff and if anybody even cares or benefits from it (other than a handful of my close friends), It feels like I have someone to talk to. Ok, I can see how this is starting to sound a little psycho. Let me clarify. I'm not insane or at least not VERY insane that I'm literally talking to my laptop or anything! Ok?
You see, most of you will never understand the mental warp that you go through when you have been home with your children for a few years. The only adult conversations I really have are few and far between. I cherish these like you wouldn't believe! I talk to a baby all morning, then I talk to a 5 and 6 year old all afternoon, then I talk to my husband about the baby and the kids. Then after that, we talk about his day, because quite frankly mine is pretty dull. What is there to tell? After I tell him about the new word the baby said or what the girls did at school, what's left? The chicken I got on sale? ooooohhh riveting stuff! As a SAHM you get caught in this cycle that seems impossible to break. I think people that are at work all day take it a little for granted how lonely it can be at times. You get up in the morning and get dressed in real clothes leave the kids for the day. You go out to interact with different (adult) people good and bad. You see new things and face different scenarios until you get to clock out and leave it all behind until tomorrow.
I'm not saying that going to work is easy. I'm not saying that AT ALL. I remember how stressful it was to go to work for people that didn't appreciate you, or have to deal with the A-holes you work with. What I am saying, is this particular dilemma has nothing to do with work load it has all to do with psychological/emotional load.
The person who stays at home, rolls out of bed to immediately start their job. There is no morning prep or buffer and no dressing nicely to feel good about yourself. (Why dress up to just get chocolate milk stains on your good clothes?) They don't get to have a lunch break, or ever clock out. You are chained to your job 24/7.
No matter how much you love it, after a while, you WILL burn out. But that's ok too. I have burnt out many times. I have cried and lashed out, I have been in funks, and I have even at times (momentarily) resented my kids for the loss of my identity as a person/woman. We all go through these things whether you are a SAHM or a working mom. If you say that you haven't,  either you're lying outta your ass or you have some really good meds. (If it's the latter please share)
Having a purpose in life is probably one of the most important things in the world. I know my main purpose is to be a wife and mother; that is the life that I chose. But it's not my only purpose. I am starting to come to that realization. A friend told me recently "You always have to be super mom, let those friggers eat some tuna and rice one night and put your feet up." To that friend, I say thank you. I know you were trying to make me feel better while I was having a full blown pity party, but you are right. I will never do EVERYTHING right. My kids will never be perfect and always appreciative, and my husband will never do EVERYTHING I expect him to do. I can't control ANY of that. What I can control is me.
So this is the real reason i write the things that I write. I feel like I have a contribution. It may not be great, or the most interesting. But it's mine. My stories, my experiences, my voice. If I can help someone along the way or just make them laugh, then I have found yet another purpose in this life. For that I am grateful.

Sonya