REALLY not a glamorous rant

Well aint' this some sh*&%!  Just when you thought kids couldn't mess your poor body up anymore. Excuse me while I rant.
For any of you beautiful young women who don't have kids yet.. consider adoption! LOL. Just kidding.....a little. I found out this weekend why my belly flattening exercises weren't working. I have something called diastasis recti. No it has nothing to do with my butt. (I heard recti and thought rectum) So pretty much it's the separation of the abdominal wall muscles caused by the tearing of the thin membrane that holds them together. Nice huh? Still want kids?

This was is caused my my 3 fat babies and 3 c sections. Here's the kicker, the more crunches, bicycles, and scissor sit ups I did, the worst I was making my stomach look! GREEEEAAAAAT! So now it's back to square one. I now have to buy a abdominal splint and learn the recommended abdominal exercises. I did however lose........ DRUM ROLL PLEASE............. 9 POUNDS!!! YAAAAAAY.  21 more and I'll be at the goal weight to be considered for a tummy tuck. Yes a tummy tuck, NO I don't care if it sounds vain. Pssshht. Live with my stomach for a week and you'll be knocking the doctors door down. The only problem with that is it costs $7,500.00 smackers. So as of now I'm taking pity donations. ha ha!
So all weekend every time my kids talked back or were out of line I would just glower at them and say. "You little bastards did this to me!" No, not really. (I thought it though) ssssshhhhh. Don't tell anyone.

Besides all my hopes of having a sexy stomach dashed, I was pondering this little nugget: Why is it that I have gained weight EVERYWHERE except for my skinny-ass knobby-kneed CHICKEN LEGS?? I'll even dare to say that they've become skinnier along the years. So when I gain weight I look like a ball with legs! I figured it's because I used to wear heels all the time when I was younger and now the sight of anything higher than ballet flats make me wince. NO MORE! I have started operation "UP ON STILTS" I will be wearing heels everyday for the next 30 days as long as I'm not working out or sleeping. Housework in heels. All I need to do now is buy an old fashion corset instead of the abdominal splint and I can turn my husbands whole world upside down!        
                                                      Wooooooweeeeeeeee! So if anyone is planning to drop by to say hi, I would suggest to call first so there are no misunderstandings. ;-)
Well, I gotta go, my girls are home from school today and I have to go to the grocery store unless they want to starve for the rest of the day. Until next time!
Sonya

P.S. Money saving tip of the week:
 Cut your dryer sheets in half. When loading; throw the 2 halves on opposite sides of the dryer. You get better coverage than just using one, it still works to freshen and soften and you are cutting down on the amount of harmful chemicals on your clothing. Stay healthy!